to be awesome!

This week at The Lounge the following question has been posed....

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? What makes you awesome?

Sometimes I am so much of an introvert that it both scares and annoys me!

Yep, I think that this picture describes me to a T! I think the only one that is not necessarily true is "I can't stand small talk", that's probably not technically true, it's probably more correct to say "I'm not good at small talk". If people ask me questions and show interest in getting to know me I can talk no worries, but I struggle to instigate a conversation!.

Confessing this on the morning of the day that I am about to head off to the ProBlogger Conference scares the beegeeves out of me! I am nervous just thinking about it. According to the Facebook group there are 596 people going....five hundred and ninety-six....that's 594 people that I am going to be hanging around that I don't know... Well some of them I feel like I know quite personally but have never met them in person and feel like I'm either going to be speechless or a rambling mess and leave people wondering why the hell they bothered wasting all that time reading this! I think I probably come across as being so much more confident on here than I really am in 'real life'. I am reminded of the Brad Paisley lyrics 'I'm so much cooler online!"....

Over the years I have been told by people that are now friends that upon first meeting me they thought I was either shy or stuck up..or somewhere in between.When The Lounge asked 'what makes you awesome?' I am too much of an introvert to blow my own trumpet so I took to my blog Facebook page and put the shout out to my family and friends and for a while there it was touch and go and quite concerning...In 24 hours I only had one response... Buying gumboots to attend a 3year olds bday party in the rain!!!... (yep I did that!) If you missed those check out my Instagram! Just passed the 24 hours mark the introvert in me was wondering if that was all that really made me awesome and that maybe perhaps I am really not that awesome after all...sitting across from me I asked my sister why she hadn't written anything and when she responded...'I couldn't think of anything' I really began to worry! Eventually I got 2 responses:

Your determination, dedication, loyalty and caring nature.

followed shortly by..

You just are.....and that is more than enough.

from 2 very dear friends of mine. It's taken a fair amount of time, and whilst there are times when I wish I was more of an extrovert, I am growing more and more confident in the fact that I am who I am and I'm ok with that....and I am...

enough!

Linking up with Nessville for The Lounge this week!

for another update

A few months back I posted part one of this little story..a few people wondered what happened so here is the update...if you want to catch up you'll have to go back and read it here.....

The next night she bit the bullet and text him first, trying to be the spontaneous type he said he wanted (trust me, that was pretty spontaneous for her!). He asked what was going to happen now and she let him know that she really enjoyed his company and was interested to spend some more time together. It became apparent that between her work and his it was going to be difficult to co-ordinate some time. Eventually he offered to cook her dinner, but it would have to be at her place. She was a little nervous, but knowing that she was planning on moving very soon anyway, she figured that if things went bad he wouldn't know where she lived. So she agreed and a few nights later he arrived with everything he needed to cook her chicken and salad for dinner. She text him when she was on her way home from work to confirm the time that he would come over. He told her he was going to the gym first, would duck home for a quick shower and then would be on his way. He text to ask if she wanted him to bring her a red bull....ummmm wtf? 'no thanks' she replied a little unsure of what that was about. Dinner was lovely and once again the conversation flowed, they moved to the couch and watched "What happens in Bali" and cringed at the stupidity of the people on the show. They shared their own travel tales and she wondered again where this might lead. She did cringe at a few things he said but she thought maybe they were just nerves. When it came time to say good night she wondered what might happen....he grabbed his things and bolted for the door like he couldn't get out of there fast enough. She decided not to dwell on it and off she went to bed. Over the next few days they text back and forth, checking in on how each others days were but there was no mention of another catch up until he again offered to make dinner, this time at his place. "Dinner, My Place 7:30pm" was all the text read..."Sounds lovely" she replied....He had not told her where he lived..."You're going to have to tell me where you live??" she asked before it was almost time for her to head over.... "Should I be nervous" he responded along with his address... It was these random strange comments he came out with from time to time that made her frown and wonder if what his deal was and if he really was her type. Again dinner was lovely and they sat and watched TV with ease. She was a little concerned that they had gone from one lovely date out in public to cooking dinner and watching TV at home, felt like a quick shift and she wasn't sure she liked it. When it came time for her to leave she lingered at the door wondering if he might just try and kiss her...but he didn't so she left only to be caught stuck in her tracks by a possum sitting on the fence hissing at her. "It might jump on me" she squealed like a girl...he stayed standing at the top step laughing at her, not offering to come to her aide..."you'll just have to sleep over then" he replied..(not on your life she thought in her head!), thankfully his dog came to her rescue come running and barking and scaring the possum back up the tree and she bolted for her car, yelling "See ya" over her shoulder as she went. She had no sooner arrived home when her phone buzzed on her bedside table..Give me something!!:-/ ... the text message read.. I'm not sure what you mean.. she replied..3 dates too soon to kiss? Are you scared?... (Is he freaking serious, man!!!)...Have you tried to..? was the response she decided to go with. And it went on from there. She really started thinking that this guy was not for her. It was all feeling very hard and unnatural. She didn't like his sarcasm when she had to raincheck a catchup because of prior commitments. But how to tell him, she was never the ender, always the endee... They text back and forward for a few more days but she was going away over the weekend so she thought that would give her some time and space to reflect on what had (or hadn't) happened so far. When she returned he messaged asking hoe her weekend was, she told him of her exhaustion after the 5 hours drive home and that she felt like she could sleep forever, he text back offering for her to stay at his place...the actual read "You could stay at mine tonight? And I'd behave if you said so:) If I can go three dates without touching you I'm sure I can restrain the beast one night :)"....seriously! did he seriously just say that! Gross!!! "I have no idea how to respond to that" was all she could muster as a response. She decided to give it one more shot, one more date, in person, in public and see what happened. The majority of there contact had been via text messaging so she needed to see what if was like in person again. So a few afternoons later they decided to meet at a local pub for a quiet Sunday afternoon drink. She text him to let him know that she was on her way "Don't rush, I need to prepare my defence :P". She can't explain it but almost immediately she knew whatever this was had to end...She just had to work out how to say it. She sat awkwardly while he talked and told stories and she added her bit when and where she could but it just didn't feel right. He rambled on...and on...and on...about how he had a friend who he had organised to go out with one night who pulled the pin at the last minute and it was St Pat's day and because St Pat's day was really important to him and his friend gave him no reason for not wanting to go out, he ended the friendship...."You ended a 6 year friendship because he wouldn't go out with you on St Pat's day?" she questioned, a little gobsmacked... A little while after he had to go so once again they parted ways..."text you later...maybe" she said as she walked away....She didn't text him... for a few days she didn't text and neither did he...until eventually she got one that just stated her name... nothing more... Eventually she replied explaining the reasons why she didn't think this should continue, she explained that it did not feel natural and that it should not be this hard...she had grown annoyed by how he referred to her 'home' town and how desperate he was to get out so she thought it best they part ways.....She wasn't quite prepared for the slap between the eyes response that she got...."I feel like that you are not that keen to have a man and if you are I don't see the effort? I'm not sure you can be old-fashioned-take things slow, get the guy to make all the effort and then be independent too? I'd like us to stay friends, but it's felt like unless I'm cooking or paying I'm not going to see you? That's just how it felt. You've said yes when I've suggested dinner etc but if you like/d me there's no reason why you shouldn't suggest something...?"
She didn't respond right away, it took some time to process that...hello? he eventually said... she worked on a response 
"Sorry I was not what you expected and that you felt that way... I am who I am and my life is what it is and maybe that's why I am single...I can deal with that" she eventually replied and swore never to text him again...

And she hasn't....

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT!

for a letter...

Dear Willpower,

I must confess, I know it's been some time since we hung out but I am writing you this letter hoping that you will come back to me.

You stood by me last year while I was doing Michelle Bridges 12wbt, you helped me achieve my goal weight, but for some reason, not long after that you up and left me. You pop your head in from time to time and then you go again like I don't even matter!

My life is a little complicated at the moment as I juggle living between two residences. Grocery shopping and cooking when you live in 2 places part time is a little difficult. When I go to the supermarket is when I feel your absence the most. I can't seem to walk past Chiccos if they are on sale, and don't get me started about chocolate treats.

Michelle warned us about you...she said that you were just like a muscle and that if we didn't use you, you would leave. It's not like you've left me completely, it's not like I've completely turned my back on all the hard work that we have achieved. I was so happy you showed up at that birthday party I went to on the weekend, man those red velvet cupcakes were screaming my name but you were there to hold me back and I am grateful! I have never really been a bad eater, but you often let me eat way too much. And lately there's been way more snacks and treats than there should have been.
 
So I have also enlisted the help of another friend but I am still going to need your support. I'm hopeful that the 2 of you will work together...

 I've signed up for Lite and Easy. I know some people may think that this is a bit of a cop out, that I am lazy and I shouldn't need this but I am confident it will help you and I get back on track together.

The food arrived on Thursday and I wasn't home to unpack it so my sister did it for me. When I finally got home to see it on Friday night I was so excited! I imagined it to be the same excitement that people experience when their Chrisco Hampers arrive in December! All the food is individually packed in their own little bags for breakfast and lunch and dinner are in little microwavable bowels. Each bag tells you what day to eat it on and so far the food has been delicious!! I am always feeling full and there is more than enough food to get me through the day. I love that I will be able to just pick up the bag and go in the morning and I don't have to think about what to have for dinner or if I am over-eating.

I am hopeful that this will mean my time spent at the supermarket around all those temptations will be limited. For me doing this is for a number of reasons, convenience and knowing I am not over-eating obviously being the main two. So help me out willpower, help me stay on track...come back to me..... I promise to try and not let you down again.

Linking up this confession with:

 Kirsty from My Home Truths (yay she's back!) 

 Alicia from One Mother Hen 

...and I am hopeful that you may find this a little humorous Em from Have a Laugh on Me!

PS..this is not a sponsored post...pretty confident in saying Lite n Easy have no idea this blog exists!

for ProBlogger Nails

Yep I did this.....

I was due to get my nails done anyway so I thought I'd get them ready for the nautical themed ProBlogger dinner! Have no idea what I am wearing but at least I'll have fab nails!
Now just hope they last that long!

What do you think?

Linking up with these lovely ladies for Wordless Wednesday.... My Little Drummer Boys and Twinkle in the Eye....and Ms Mystery Case for Worth Casing Wednesday!

to confess jobs I would never do

This week's prompt for I Must Confess link up being hosted by Toni at Finding Myself Young, is a follow on from previous prompts, what would you tell your younger self....

I must confess that I don't necessarily want to keep looking back but I would probably tell myself to look after myself more. At 35 I have a few ongoing heath issues that could have been prevented had I looked after myself a little better when I was younger.

But this post I want to confess off topic for a bit and follow on from last weeks prompt. I've written and confess a bit lately about my desire to leave my job and amongst all this I have had people ask me what I would do instead.

I must confess...I have no idea and that's probably why I haven't made the move. Sometimes I think (and I tell my students) that sometimes to work out what you want to do, it's good to work out what you don't want to do...

So here's 5 careers I know I won't be entering...

1. Nursing - these people are amazing..they save lives and I don't think they get the credit they deserve. I did at one time think that nursing was what I wanted to do. In year 10 I did work experience in a hospital convinced it was the career for me. It wasn't long into that week that I realised it wasn't for me.

2. Journalist - Despite the fact that I don't necessarily have a creative way with words, I don't think I could be a journalist. But that's not the only reason. I can certainly see many perks to being a journalist, as I sit here writing this whilst watching a Alison Langdon on 60mins interview the Edgerton brothers thinking I could handle hanging out in LA interviewing hot celebrities. But obviously not everyone starts their career there. One day last year I was travelling home from work. It's an hour commute along a main highway and I was fuelling up for the drive home when a fire truck flew through town heading in the same direction I would be driving...shortly followed by a Police car. "Man I hope there hasn't been an accident" was my thought...Sure enough there was. I got stopped by a policeman on the road, 2 cars had collided and later I heard there were 2 deaths. While I sat there waiting to be let pass I noticed on the opposite side of the road a journalist from the local paper with her clipboard and long lens camera. "Far out piss off lady" was what I thought, I couldn't believe that people were being cut out of cars fighting for their lives and she's there with her bloody camera trying to take photos and get a good headline. I felt a little sick but then realised she was just doing her job. It would be those types of stories and that type of work that I just could not do.

3. Psychologist - In my current role I am expected to do 'counselling' with students. I have a Masters degree that says that I can. It's not something that I am always comfortable with doing. There are some whispers that eventually my role in Queensland schools will not exist and Psychologists will be employed instead. Some of my colleagues are preparing that by going back to University to get there Psychology degree...this is not something that has crossed my mind. Again I am in awe of these people who spend their days listening to other people's troubles and trying to guide them through it, but I don't think that is for me.

4. Defence Force - I did army cadets at High School. It was fun, and mostly I, like many of the other girls in my year, did it pretty much because it was compulsory for the boys to do it, and I'd heard the bivouac's were fun. There was one time where my Mum had said to me at the end of Year 12 that perhaps if I didn't get into University I could join Army. Ummmm nope! Sorry, heading off to war torn countries, being shot at, shooting people just really isn't my thing. (I know they do so much wonderful work as well)

5. Emergency Service Workers - Similarly to the above, I don't think that I could be a Police or Ambulance Officer. I know every career has positives and negatives but I think there would be so much pain, suffering and dangerous situations in these jobs that I am not sure my sensitive little self could handle it. I absolutely respect and take my hat off to these people and sometimes I don't think they get the respect that they deserve and often these people, police in particular, put their lives at risk each and every day.

So while I am still trying work out what I do want to do I am ticking and crossing a few requirements off my list.

Are you doing your dream job? 

What would you do if you weren't doing what you are doing now?

What job would you never do?

Linking up my Confession with Toni from Finding Myself Young, while Kirsty enjoys her break! 

 

for a Pinterest Outfit

I love scrolling through the women's fashion section on Pinterest looking for outfit inspiration... Here's my latest effort...

 

Do you check out Pinterest for outfit ideas?

Linking up with Twinkle in the Eye, My Little Drummer Boys and Ms Mystery Case this Wordless Wednesday.. 

for ProBlogger...almost

According to my countdown app we have just 19 days (at the time of writing this) until we head to the Gold Coast for ProBlogger...eeekk!!

If you're going then an email from Darren with some updates and asking us to reflect on our blogging dreams would have landed in your inbox on Thursday.

I am getting so excited about heading to the coast for these few days, I applied for 2 days long service leave which was granted without question and Marleisa from This is Who I am and I are heading there Thursday so as not to miss a minute of the action! As the event draws nearer I am reading more and more from other amazing bloggers getting prepared for the trip, some have already started packing, some are booking in hair appointments, some are planning their nautical outfits for the Friday night and the Helm Bar....to be honest I am just thinking of the MOUNTAIN of work that I need to get through before I can even think about anything else.

In a way I am also so nervous. It kind of feels like I am heading off to High School again for the first time, and I am a junior. Even though my blog is about 18 months old I still feel like such a Novice. When I was looking through the program and deciding what sessions to go to there were things mentioned that I have no idea what they even are!! I have been reading tweets, blogposts and facebook statuses by many other bloggers who I love reading that are attending and I am so excited to be in a room with all these other wonderful bloggers, let alone potentially having the opportunity to talk to them. I feel like they are the seniors, the cool crew, and that I will be standing in the corner in awe of their awesomeness and wondering if any of them will want to be my friend (damn I hate the introvert in me sometimes)! I feel like I am going to be way out of my league! hahaha...

I also am not quite sure how to respond to Darren's question about what my dream is for my blog. I guess my main reason for starting the blog was to share my 12wbt journey and just document rantings, ravings, and events of my life. Kind of like the LiveJournal I had years ago. Somewhere to just ramble and rant and rave and maybe someone would find it worth reading. But the more I have blogged and the more I have discovered about blogging the more exciting the prospect that you could actually make money out of blogging is kind of exciting. I don't think I would ever be there but it's exciting nonetheless.

Recently there has been that 'why I write' prompt going around and when no-one mentioned me in it, at first I was kind of cut a bit (yes just like at high school when all the popular girls are invited to something and you miss out) but then I realised I was secretly glad that I wasn't asked because I had no real answer. I loved how people wrote about writing being in their blood and that they wouldn't know what to do if they didn't write, that people say they HAVE to do it, I love how creative some people are and how passionate people are about their writing and their blog themes. I have no real theme to my blog, I'm not a fashion blogger, definitely not a mummy or craft blogger, I put myself in the 'general' category. I'm not really sure why I write, I just do...

I am coming to ProBlogger with no real expectations and just looking forward to being a sponge and soaking up as much information as I possibly can and seeing where it can lead me on this journey. I am also super excited about it being held at QT, Marleisa and I stayed there earlier in the year just on a girls weekend away and L.O.V.E.D it!

Are you going to ProBlogger? What are you hoping to gain from the experience? Will you talk to me if you see me standing in the corner by myself?

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT!

to move on..

I can always rely on the I Must Confess prompt to get me thinking and lately they have had me catapolting back into the past...

I Must Confess...the past is not somewhere I always like to look, somethings are best left in the past and unspoken of again.

This week the link up is being hosted by the amazing Emma at Five Degrees of Chaos with the prompt...

'If I could go back to one single moment in my life, it would be...',

 again there are lots of moments that I could write about, like that bad haircut, saying yes to that bad date, not getting off that bus, filling out that transfer application, buying that return ticket...but then I remembered a previous confession that kind of links to this one. 

A while back we confessed our biggest regrets and while I talked myself out of it being an actual regret the more I think about it the more I think that if I could go back and change it the more I think I would. 

Making all the choices I have made along the way have gotten me to where I am today and there's parts of me that can't possibly regret that as that would be saying all the friends and all the experiences were a regret and that cannot possibly be true.

I've had a lot of conversations lately about my work with friends who constantly tell me they love their job.... I have never said that, never thought that and perhaps if I could go back to one single moment in my life, it would be to when I chose my university preferences, or maybe it would be to not actually accepting that offer of a teaching degree. Perhaps I would have taken more time to find out what I love and what I am passionate about.

Each decision we make has flow on affects, some good, some bad. That decision I made way back then has lead to some of the best and some of the worst experiences of my life so it's hard to imagine how different things would be for me if I made a different decision back then but one thing is for sure...it would be different.

But as I said earlier and in my previous post on this topic, there is no point in wondering about the 'what if's' because I did, and here I am and all I can do now is continue to move forward and see where my current decisions and plans take me!

Linking up with Emma from Five Degrees of Chaos for I Must Confess and Alicia from One Mother Hen for Open Slather.

for new nails

I have found an awesome new nail technician to do my nails!

Love the grey and pink colours together!

Linking up with My Little Drummer Boys, Twinkle in the Eye and Ms Mystery Case this Wednesday.

to reflect..

This weeks prompt for I must confess has been set by this weeks guest host Lisa at Button Brain...

"What would your 18 year old self say to you? "

Well that certainly got me thinking....

A few weeks ago I turned 35, I guest blogged over at Snippets and Spirits and talked about how I felt about that..if you haven't seen it you can read it here. 

So that and this prompt got me thinking and I must confess my 18th and my 35th birthdays had some similarities, drinks with friends that had me waking up the morning after wondering what the hell I was thinking being the main one!! 

I must confess sometimes it's easy for me to think that not a whole lot has changed in my life and at times I feel like I am stuck in such a rut and on a merry-go-round that's going nowhere, so this has been a great reflective post.

So what would 18 year old Zita think of 35 year old Zita...

I think she would be so proud of my career achievements - 6 months into her teaching degree she probably wasn't sure if she'd make it let alone go on to get her Masters!

I think she'd be amazed at where I've lived and moved to because of work. I think she'd think I was brave for making those moves.

I think she would be impressed with me taking off overseas and visiting so many places and seeing so many wonderful things, she'd probably wonder why I haven't been to more places, and why I didn't follow my dreams of packing up and moving overseas...she's being tsking and shaking her head.

I think she'd be a little surprised that I am still single...even though she was single at 18 she was sure she would finish Uni, meet someone (not necessarily in that order) teach for a few years and then be married and be popping out a few kids. 

18 year old Zita wasn't really that interested in health and fitness, she pretty much ate and drank what she wanted when she wanted, and although she wasn't necessarily happy with her body she was living the great uni life, so I think she would be pleased with how I am doing now (now I just wish 18 year old Zita knew how hard it was going to be and took better care of herself!!)

I think 18 year old Zita would tell me to get off my butt and forget about what you thought your life should have been, quit moaning about how it hasn't turned out like you had planned it and just get on with it...you only have one life, you're not getting any younger so get out there and live it!! 

Image Source

Linking up with Button Brain for I Must Confess and One Mother Hen for Open Slather!