But first, this week Kirsty is asking us to be a bit reflective on 2014 which has kind of worked out well for me as it links in with everything else I wanted to share today.
I looked back at my goals for 2014 and I am a little disappointed to say I don't think that I really achieved any of them.
Twenty-fourteen has been somewhat of a stepping stone year to what I have planned for 2015 so whilst it's disappointing to see so most of those goals unmet, a lot of what has happened this year has paved the way for what is to come.
One thing that happened this year was that I attended my first ever ProBlogger Event.
I walked down to the beach early the morning after the ProBlogger Event finished and while I sat watching the amazing sun rise I drafted the following on my phone....
'To have a blog I love I need to have a life I love... To have a life I love I need to change it... Who am I to write a blog about life when I hate my life**... I know there is good in my life, I know there is so much to be thankful for, but for the most part... I hate it**
This morning waking up at 5:50am like I do most mornings so many thoughts and reflections are starting to happen. The last 3 days have passed in an amazing blur of information and I have reached a point where I really think things could go either one of two ways...I could throw my hands in the air and walk away... Who am I to think I can make it in this world, and do I even want to, why am I even here? Or I could shout "Bring it on!" from the rooftops and really try and make something of this...
And like so much of my life, if you were waiting for an answer it would have to be "I don't know"... Is it the fear of failure that's holding me back or is it that it's not what I really want... I don't know...
Over the last 2 days when people have asked me what I blog about I had no real answer for them. I mumbled something about it being about whatever I wanted, whatever I felt like...I told people it started off the back of doing Michelle Bridges 12wbt, but if the truth be known I look back and I know that I even failed at that. Sure I reached my goal weight but I didn't stay there for long, my body didn't transform and it didn't 'change my life'... I do so many things in my personal life half hearted. Mostly I think because of fear... Fear I'll get it wrong, fear I'll offend or hurt someone, fear of failure... fear that it's just all too hard so I should just stick with what I know...'
**Hate is a very strong word and I considered changing it but obviously that's how I felt at the time...looking back it was a bit harsh!
I had already started making plans to make some changes in my life but it was like ProBlogger just confirmed it for me. So here goes...
*I've sold my house.
*I've sold a fair chunk of my belongings.
*I've quit my job (well not really but I've taken leave for 2015 but "quit my job" sounds so much more brave and dramatic)
*I've joined a travel blogging course.
*I've upgraded my blog a little bit (did you notice?)
*I've booked my flights.
*I'm heading overseas.
Each time I've travelled overseas I've come home with a burning desire to go again, I've come back with a strong desire to change my life and I've started researching other jobs because I've known for a long time how unhappy I've been. I've often said to friends and family that I wish I could be one of those people who sell everything a just go...but I've never actually done it...that is, until now...so that's (kind of) what I'm doing.
And so while I will confess to being a little bit anxious and scared about what next year (and beyond) will bring I have decided to just let what will be...be, and see where it takes me.
Stand by for future posts about what I have planned for the year ahead and why.