Sunday, 17 December 2017

for a breakup

This year I had a breakup.. A breakup that I was sure was going to be an extremely difficult one. But to my surprise it really wasn't as difficult as I thought....

I pondered the decision for months... I would stand in the shop and stare at you and imagine the day that I would make you mine... just before leaving for South Korea and with the help of my tax return I finally made you mine.



I became obsessed and was sure it was going to help me stay on track as I moved to a whole new country! I constantly checked my wrist to see how many steps I had done. The first thing I did each morning was refresh my app to see how my sleep was the night before.

It was meant to be a motivational tool but soon it became a distraction and a disappointment. In my mind I wasn't motivated to do more steps, I'll confess that some days I would simply shake my wrists a few times to get to my goal. It was having the affect I wanted it to.

The boiling point came when I was working towards my goal of running 10km in under an hour at the Sunshine Coast marathon event. I had been training for weeks. Diligently wearing my Fitbit, constantly glancing at it to see my stats. 

The day of the race arrived and with nerves I lined up with just a few thousand of my closest friends, all with one on the other hands wrist, ready to start our 'smart watches' as we crossed the start line. I felt like I started the run strong and felt really good. I told myself not to focus too much on my time and not to look at my Fitbit and just focus on my rhythm and feel comfortable. I did this until I saw the 5km marker sign. That's when I looked at my watch and saw my time was 30:12 and I thought I could continue at the pace I was running and maybe, just maybe, get close to that 1 hour time. But then I think I just got inside my own head too much. My toes started to go numb and when that happens my knee starts to ache. 

According to my Fitbit my time was 1:04:27 but the distance was only 9.33km so am not sure I can really claim it as a 10km run PB.... I felt so many emotions that day, most of all frustration and disappointment.

It was that day that I decided I needed to break up... with my Fitbit.  I had become so focused on it and feeling like a massive failure if I don't meet some kind of target that I felt like it was stopping me from just enjoying my runs and enjoying exercise in general. I hate the inner-struggle and dialogue I was having with myself both during and after the run that day and I hate the use of the word failure.... 

To me, I am not failing...... at 38 I know I am close to the fittest and strongest I have ever been. I know I live a healthy balanced lifestyle and I know that my thoughts and feelings about myself and my body are improving every day. I know that my health and being healthy is and always will be top of my priority list. So I'm "breaking up" with the obsession I had with checking my Fitbit all the time and with the word "failure" because being the best version of myself means being ok with where I am at and the decisions I make throughout my day and living in what is my reality.... and now I just run because I want to, and I enjoy it and don't focus on anything else except the very next step...


Sunday, 1 October 2017

9 months on...

I stood at the harbour at the port of Yeosu in South Korea and watched the sunrise in the distance and decided it was time to put into action something I had been thinking about for a while. I have always enjoyed watching both the sunrise and the sunset. Each signalling an important time of the day... A sunrise, a new day with new beginnings possible.... A sunset, a time of reflection of the day that was...

The one that started it all.... my first sunrise picture.

Tuesday, 10 January 2017

for my plans for 2017

Since announcing to many family and friends that I was coming home at the end of January after a 6 month stint teaching English in South Korea I have been repeatedly hit with one question and one question only....




What are you plans for when you get home?