for another update

A few months back I posted part one of this little story..a few people wondered what happened so here is the update...if you want to catch up you'll have to go back and read it here.....

The next night she bit the bullet and text him first, trying to be the spontaneous type he said he wanted (trust me, that was pretty spontaneous for her!). He asked what was going to happen now and she let him know that she really enjoyed his company and was interested to spend some more time together. It became apparent that between her work and his it was going to be difficult to co-ordinate some time. Eventually he offered to cook her dinner, but it would have to be at her place. She was a little nervous, but knowing that she was planning on moving very soon anyway, she figured that if things went bad he wouldn't know where she lived. So she agreed and a few nights later he arrived with everything he needed to cook her chicken and salad for dinner. She text him when she was on her way home from work to confirm the time that he would come over. He told her he was going to the gym first, would duck home for a quick shower and then would be on his way. He text to ask if she wanted him to bring her a red bull....ummmm wtf? 'no thanks' she replied a little unsure of what that was about. Dinner was lovely and once again the conversation flowed, they moved to the couch and watched "What happens in Bali" and cringed at the stupidity of the people on the show. They shared their own travel tales and she wondered again where this might lead. She did cringe at a few things he said but she thought maybe they were just nerves. When it came time to say good night she wondered what might happen....he grabbed his things and bolted for the door like he couldn't get out of there fast enough. She decided not to dwell on it and off she went to bed. Over the next few days they text back and forth, checking in on how each others days were but there was no mention of another catch up until he again offered to make dinner, this time at his place. "Dinner, My Place 7:30pm" was all the text read..."Sounds lovely" she replied....He had not told her where he lived..."You're going to have to tell me where you live??" she asked before it was almost time for her to head over.... "Should I be nervous" he responded along with his address... It was these random strange comments he came out with from time to time that made her frown and wonder if what his deal was and if he really was her type. Again dinner was lovely and they sat and watched TV with ease. She was a little concerned that they had gone from one lovely date out in public to cooking dinner and watching TV at home, felt like a quick shift and she wasn't sure she liked it. When it came time for her to leave she lingered at the door wondering if he might just try and kiss her...but he didn't so she left only to be caught stuck in her tracks by a possum sitting on the fence hissing at her. "It might jump on me" she squealed like a girl...he stayed standing at the top step laughing at her, not offering to come to her aide..."you'll just have to sleep over then" he replied..(not on your life she thought in her head!), thankfully his dog came to her rescue come running and barking and scaring the possum back up the tree and she bolted for her car, yelling "See ya" over her shoulder as she went. She had no sooner arrived home when her phone buzzed on her bedside table..Give me something!!:-/ ... the text message read.. I'm not sure what you mean.. she replied..3 dates too soon to kiss? Are you scared?... (Is he freaking serious, man!!!)...Have you tried to..? was the response she decided to go with. And it went on from there. She really started thinking that this guy was not for her. It was all feeling very hard and unnatural. She didn't like his sarcasm when she had to raincheck a catchup because of prior commitments. But how to tell him, she was never the ender, always the endee... They text back and forward for a few more days but she was going away over the weekend so she thought that would give her some time and space to reflect on what had (or hadn't) happened so far. When she returned he messaged asking hoe her weekend was, she told him of her exhaustion after the 5 hours drive home and that she felt like she could sleep forever, he text back offering for her to stay at his place...the actual read "You could stay at mine tonight? And I'd behave if you said so:) If I can go three dates without touching you I'm sure I can restrain the beast one night :)"....seriously! did he seriously just say that! Gross!!! "I have no idea how to respond to that" was all she could muster as a response. She decided to give it one more shot, one more date, in person, in public and see what happened. The majority of there contact had been via text messaging so she needed to see what if was like in person again. So a few afternoons later they decided to meet at a local pub for a quiet Sunday afternoon drink. She text him to let him know that she was on her way "Don't rush, I need to prepare my defence :P". She can't explain it but almost immediately she knew whatever this was had to end...She just had to work out how to say it. She sat awkwardly while he talked and told stories and she added her bit when and where she could but it just didn't feel right. He rambled on...and on...and on...about how he had a friend who he had organised to go out with one night who pulled the pin at the last minute and it was St Pat's day and because St Pat's day was really important to him and his friend gave him no reason for not wanting to go out, he ended the friendship...."You ended a 6 year friendship because he wouldn't go out with you on St Pat's day?" she questioned, a little gobsmacked... A little while after he had to go so once again they parted ways..."text you later...maybe" she said as she walked away....She didn't text him... for a few days she didn't text and neither did he...until eventually she got one that just stated her name... nothing more... Eventually she replied explaining the reasons why she didn't think this should continue, she explained that it did not feel natural and that it should not be this hard...she had grown annoyed by how he referred to her 'home' town and how desperate he was to get out so she thought it best they part ways.....She wasn't quite prepared for the slap between the eyes response that she got...."I feel like that you are not that keen to have a man and if you are I don't see the effort? I'm not sure you can be old-fashioned-take things slow, get the guy to make all the effort and then be independent too? I'd like us to stay friends, but it's felt like unless I'm cooking or paying I'm not going to see you? That's just how it felt. You've said yes when I've suggested dinner etc but if you like/d me there's no reason why you shouldn't suggest something...?"
She didn't respond right away, it took some time to process that...hello? he eventually said... she worked on a response 
"Sorry I was not what you expected and that you felt that way... I am who I am and my life is what it is and maybe that's why I am single...I can deal with that" she eventually replied and swore never to text him again...

And she hasn't....

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT!

to take a chance!

It had been some time since she had stepped out on a 'date'. She thought for many years that she would meet someone the 'old-fashioned' way, through friends, at a BBQ, or when she walked in a room and he would spot her from the other side and be mesmerised by her. But that was not how it worked in this day and age apparently. Even her Doctor had suggested she give that "RSPCA or whatever it's called a go. She had dabbled in it a few times over the years but nothing worth talking about had eventuated. She had heard of this new dating app called Tinder. She'd been aimlessly flicking through through it every now and then, mostly hitting the 'nope' button, especially for any that favoured pictures of cars, their naked torsos or their pets over pictures of their faces. One guy "J" caught her eye, so she flicked 'Yep"...It was a match straight away and almost instantly she got a message from him... they messaged back and forth for a while before exchanging mobile numbers. It took some time for their schedules to coincide to actually meet in person.. Over messages he appeared very confident, albeit a little cheeky, and she wondered how this would transpire in person. Finally Saturday night rolled around, she busied herself that day with bootcamp and moving furniture so as to not let her mind wander too much and freak out. As the afternoon dragged on she had no choice but to start thinking about it. She realised she didn't really look like any of the pics on her profile anymore, she'd made some pretty drastic changes to her hair and now wore her glasses a lot more than she used to. She wondered if she would be good enough, would he like her, would her amazing personality shine through her nervousness...Then she remembered the words of wisdom she had heard recently "What if he's not good enough for you?" and she tried to let that be the thought that sat in her mind. She had put some consideration into what she was going to wear and laid it out on her bed while she went for a bath, she couldn't shower because she'd already spent the best part of an hour straightening her hair. She put on the outfit but it just didn't quite work for her, it was an outfit she had worn many times before but she just wasn't quite feeling it, she wondered why outfits always look better in her mind than in the mirror. With 20 minutes to spare she quickly changed and went for a safe option of black pants, black top, dusty pink jacket and topped it off with a gorgeous scarf (of course). She had to decide how much effort to put in, heels or flats? She doesn't wear heels often and didn't want to give a false sense of 'heelness'..she opted for sparkly flats... how much makeup? she wears a little mineral powder, mascara and neutral lipstick to work...she decided she needed to go a little more than that but nothing overboard. Didn't want to give the impression that she was some sort of glamour queen. He was due to pick her up at 7. Seven o'clock rolled around, then 7:05 and he still wasn't knocking on her door. 7:06 and her phone buzzed to life, a text message, nervously she opened it, could he be about to blow her off... "I'm here " it read..."Where?" she replied as she opened the front door, "Out front" came the reply... was this how things were done these days, you don't go to a persons door? You text them from the car out the front?.. Nervously she walked along the driveway to find him standing on the footpath, "Hey" she said casually as she approached him, he replied the same and then added "What do we do, hug, shake hands, cheek kiss?" it became a kind of awkward mess of all three. She hated this part the most. She was impressed by his dress sense, well cut jeans, not too tight, not too baggy, white Ralph Lauren shirt and good shoes...nice shoes... She had always said you could tell a lot about a man by his shoes. They walked towards the car, a small blue convertible. "So where are we going?" She asked having left the decision making up to him, "I've booked a table at a nice country pub about 20 minutes drive out of town but..." and that's when she realised he was having problems starting the car. He mumbled about having problems and it jerking and not idling well...She became nervous and voiced her concerns about returning home alive, he convinced her she would get back, but couldn't guarantee when... The car ride out and dinner passed with plenty of conversation flowing, they spoke of their jobs, their dreams, their families, their friends. They made jokes about being single. He has worked as a chef for some time now (currently feeding some 300 boys at a local boarding school) and travelled and lived overseas and has a burning desire to go back, a plus in her eyes. His profile stated that he was spontaneous and that certainly shone through during the conversations, like making an offer to buy a house off the internet interstate without seeing it and then moving there when it settled. Spontaneity was something he looked for in a person and she wasn't sure she could match that. She wished she was more spontaneous, there have been times where she wished she could throw it all in, chuck her bag in the car and head off on the wide open roads to...wherever.... but there is always something holding her back, she was scared to take that leap on her own. After dinner he suggested moving on to another establishment for a beverage. She agreed, it could hurt. They walked towards the car and she secretly crossed her fingers on the way in hope that the car would actually start, she may have even held her breath as he turned the key in the ignition. It worked. Again they travelled back in to town with the conversation flowing as they edged towards the bar she wondered how this might all play out. It certainly wasn't love at first sight but he seemed pretty easy to get along with, they seemed to be on similar journey's. A bus load of people arriving meant it became quite packed and difficult to have conversation and her long day was slowly starting to creep up on her and she found her trying to hold back her yawns. Eventually he asked if they were going to continue drinking or if she wanted him to take her home...she asked to be taken home, not because she wasn't having a good time, simply because she was exhausted beyond belief and she didn't want that to be seen as being bored with his company... Again he pulled the car up out on the street, she thanked him for a lovely evening and then, trying not to appear too keen she brushed off a "Chat to you later, maybe...we'll see..." and with a grin she exited the car and walked the long walk down the dark driveway.....

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Linking up with My Home Truths and One Mother Hen this Monday!!

for IBOT! (because I couldn't think of another title!)

So when considering a topic for this weeks IBOT I couldn't go past discussing a little event that happened over the weekend.....

(*insert side note/disclaimer here - if you know me in "real" life and read this and wonder if I am talking about you, then I probably am but it doesn't mean I love you any less!*)

On Saturday I ventured out to the Mummy Tree Markets - now given the title of said markets I should have gathered that 90% of the stalls would be in fact aimed at Mummies, of which I am not! There was some absolutely beautiful things there and I did still manage to spend some money on some gorgeous jewellery and drool over some wallets and the new Tupperware modular mates with pink lids.....anyway I digress....

There I was with my friend (who is a Mummy so I pushed the pram every chance I got and attempted to claim Clayton's Mummy status! lol) and we were wandering around when all over a sudden BAM! a voice from my past is calling my name... I turn to see a girl I worked with some years ago behind me, rocking a baby in her arms.. So we do the obligatory "How are you?" "What are you up to these days?" "Who's this little fella?" etc etc... and then she asked that question that I just dread in these situations....

"So is there anyone special in your life or are you still single?"

Wish I knew this off by heart so I could recite it to her!

It is at this point that I have one of those visions that you see on TV shows like Offspring where I  start going completely nutso, take her baby off her and give it to the nearest person while I crash tackle her to the ground!! (slightly overreacting much??)...

But instead I say "No no, still just me" to which she responds "awwww Zita, what are you doing?" in this really weird "you are so pathetic" tone....

How do I respond to this? What am I doing??? What am I doing???? Like I must be doing something wrong??? What does this even mean!! So I just shrugged....and then she launched into the....

"oh don't give up, you'll meet someone"

"it'll happen when you least expect it"
"I'm sure he's just around the corner"

"one day you'll be making plans and then all of a sudden you'll meet someone and the next thing you know you'll have a ring on your finger"

I mean serioulsy how many of these bloody cliches could she have thrown into a 5 minute conversation! Have I mentioned how much I hate these phrases.... Every time someone says to me in that tone "You'll meet someone one day"....I want to reply with "Sorry I didn't realise you were freakin psychic!" 

The way I figure it there are only 2 things that are certain in life....

 

So when people say things like "There's no way you will be single forever you are too amazing" or "There's no way someone like you will be single forever" part of me wants to hug them and thank them for being such an amazing friend and seeing the good in me but then the other part just wants to tell them where to go! 

I think the question that I hate the most is...

"Why are you still single?"

Yep people actually ask that like I know the answer.... I usually respond with "Well if I knew the answer to that I wouldn't be single!" but the real answer is.....

hehehehehehe.....

Another one I just *love* is...

"you must be too fussy!"

Like I've got them lining up at the door every day and I am turning them away because they are wearing a green shirt instead of a blue one!!! My usual response to laugh this one of is "I don't think expecting them to be breathing is being too fussy!" 

 

Let's get real here..... there are people in this world who go through their whole lives without meeting the love of their life, it's a fact! There are people who never marry and live alone all their lives. I'm not going to say that is me because I do like to think that there is still time and I try and be positive as much as possible but I am not going to say it isn't going to be me either because despite what anyone says, no one can guarantee I will meet someone...and you know what.... I will be OK!

The sun will still rise tomorrow....

Having a husband and a family is definitely, absolutely, not gonna lie, something that I want and I am not ashamed to admit that I have cried into my wine glass on more than one occasion because I don't yet have it.....but I know it's not necessarily something I need.... being single for as long as I have been has certainly taught me a lot about myself, the main point being that I am a strong independent woman who can take care of herself and do what needs to be done! (most of the time, and if I can't I can pay someone to do it for me or I am lucky enough to have so many wonderful friends married to wonderful men who can do it for me!)

I love these pics!! LOL....

I am proud of who I am and what I have achieved in my life....would I trade it tomorrow for the love of my life....you betcha! But in the meantime I am focused on being the best me I can be!

Because it's Tuesday of course I am linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT

I am always interested in hearing how people met their signifcant other... so if you have one, how did you meet??