to put my single girl ranty pants back on..

**Warning - I am about to get my single girl ranty pants on...just in case you want to exit now**

I'm single....I think by now we all know that.

I don't necessarily want to be single...I think we all know that as well.

But what I do want is to be OK with being single, and for the most part I am trying to be. I even wrote a blog post on Valentines Day about why it rocks to be single! I am cruising through life doing my thing and trying not letting my single status stop me.

So what I think I really need, and what I think would really help "people like me" is if society was OK with me being single. Of course I don't mean 'me' specifically but women in their 30's. I think if there wasn't so much focus on it from others then I would be handling this stage of my life a lot better. Each time I meet someone for the first time it's only a matter of moments before they ask me if I have a boyfriend/husband. I can almost guarantee it will be one of the first 5 questions they ask. I was at a friend's wedding last weekend and met some of her other friends for the first time and one, who happened to be a male and had taken full advantage of the bar tab (much to his girlfriend's distress), appeared quite dismayed that a (and I quote) "hot girl like you is single, what's wrong with you?"... bang...there it is again!! And I'm suddenly thrown back to a place in time when I question all that I am and wonder "what is wrong with me??" (Like I don't get emotional enough at weddings!!)

Even friends who I may not have seen or spoken to in a while ask if I've met anyone, and while I know that they do it out of love and concern (or whatever other reason) I really wish there wasn't such a focus on it and wonder if I would be so bothered by it if I wasn't asked about it so often. It's easy to say 'don't let it bother you', but it does, sometimes more than others but on the whole...it does.

What I want more than anything else in the world...believe it or not, is not to be married or even to be a mother, what I am realising is that what I want more than anything in the world is to be OK if that doesn't happen...to not feel like I have failed somehow or that there is something wrong with me.

And pics like this that pop up on Facebook from time to time, do not help!

I know I've ranted about this before and you're probably wondering what's prompted this latest whinge. Like 172 465 other people I follow Mamamia on Facebook. I find some of their writing thought-provoking, some informative, some annoying, some head-scratch worthy and then some downright frustrating. Like an article that popped up in my newsfeed over the weekend. Now like any good tabloid it's the headlines they use that usually sucker me in... The open letter to Prince Harry we all secretly wish we'd written , now while I know this 'open letter' was written in jest and cheekiness it does put the sting that because Harry is a couple of months off turning 30 it's time for him to settle down and "find some princess-wife material" because you can't possibly be in your thirties and single these days! So what if Prince Harry is 30 and single? So what if he doesn't find someone worth marrying? Is that the worst thing that could happen? What's so wrong with him being single? I get that he's a Royal and all that but William's got the whole heir to the throne thing covered, give the guy a break! 

Now if you have been living under a rock over the weekend you will also know that the BIG news (*cough..whatever..cough*) is that Ian Thorpe has announced he is indeed gay. Now this again is something that I responded with a big fat "SO WHAT?" whenever another tweet or status update was written about it. Again, while scrolling through Facebook I came across another article on Mamamia with the headline "Why it matters that Ian Thorpe came out", my first reaction was to yell..."IT DOESN'T", but thought I would give them the benefit of the doubt and hear them out. In the article Mia Freedman talks about how easy it is for straight people to say "it doesn't matter" if people are gay because we don't have to worry about the negative impact and struggles that LGBTQ people have to face every day.

Again this feels like society is constantly saying it is wrong to feel or be this way. I didn't watch the interview but this article speculates that the reason Ian did not come out earlier was perhaps because he feared being ridiculed by the media and the public, that perhaps he thought he would not be respected by the public despite his AMAZING athletic ability. If either of these is even remotely any where near the truth then that is a sad sad fact, but one that I am, sadly, not surprised by.

I have since read some of what Ian had to say about why it took him so long to reveal his sexuality. One of the statements I read was that he was first asked if he was gay when he was 16 years of age....again with the questions people....

Here's my hot tip to society.... (and I am not speaking from experience with most of these so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong!)...

• The single girl in her 30's (or any age really)...doesn't want to be asked why she's single!
• The couple doesn't want to be asked when they are getting married
• The newlyweds don't want to be asked when they are having a baby
• The childless couple don't want to be asked why they don't want kids
• The newbie parents don't want to be asked when they are going to have another baby and so on
• The single guy doesn't want to be asked if he's gay 

So stop asking and mind your own damn business! *sigh*

Is there a question you wish people would stop asking you??

(And to all my friends, if I have asked you any of the above questions I am sorry and I promise to never do it again!)

Linking this rant up with Essentially Jess for IBOT.

for Friday 14th Feb

Today is Friday the 14th of February... (not that I needed to tell you that, am sure you can read a calendar..) and I guess you know what that means......yep





Image Source



Now I have been contemplating for a while what approach to take with this post... It would be easy for me to write a post wallowing in self-pity about how long it's been since I was in a relationship and how it sucks to be single and how this day is just an over-commercialised crappy day that shouldn't need to happen to tell someone you love them... but instead I have decided to focus on 5 reasons it ROCKS to be single....

1. When it's only you at home, only you to cook for and only you to clean up after I only need to wash up really every 6 days. I have enough crockery and cutlery for 6 people, so it is so easy to often use just about everything in the cupboard before I really have to wash up!! **

Yep! That's me!!

2. I get to have the WHOLE bed to myself!! No fear of waking someone else up or bumping into them in the middle of the night! Can stretch the legs, keep the blankets on or kick them off without having to think about another person! Often I have 9 hours of blissful uninterrupted sleep! ahhhh.. **

3. I have full control of the remote control... I get to watch WHATEVER I like.. No fights over the remote, no being forced to watch crazy kids cartoons or man cave type shows!

Yep! Hard to see a con there!

4. I do what I want, when I want, with who I want and don't have to worry about anyone else! **

5. The toilet seat is never up! No fear of stumbling to the toilet in the dark in the middle of the night and falling into the bowel!

My Kinda Guy!

So there you have it! My 5 top reasons it ROCKS to be single. A friend of mine posted this to me on Facebook the other day and I also thought it was pretty cool and probably sums out how I am feeling this year as I go through a process of concentrating more on me and being the best me I can be!

(** These may also be reason that I HATE being Single)

Linking up with With Some Grace for FYBF...



for the soundtrack of my life..

 This week over at My Home Truths, Kirsty asked us to confess the soundtrack of our lives... so here goes... short and sweet and the first song that always come to mind!!!!


The soundtrack of my life in 1:53..... <--- click there!

Which song best describes you and/or your life...?

for IBOT! (because I couldn't think of another title!)

So when considering a topic for this weeks IBOT I couldn't go past discussing a little event that happened over the weekend.....

(*insert side note/disclaimer here - if you know me in "real" life and read this and wonder if I am talking about you, then I probably am but it doesn't mean I love you any less!*)

On Saturday I ventured out to the Mummy Tree Markets - now given the title of said markets I should have gathered that 90% of the stalls would be in fact aimed at Mummies, of which I am not! There was some absolutely beautiful things there and I did still manage to spend some money on some gorgeous jewellery and drool over some wallets and the new Tupperware modular mates with pink lids.....anyway I digress....

There I was with my friend (who is a Mummy so I pushed the pram every chance I got and attempted to claim Clayton's Mummy status! lol) and we were wandering around when all over a sudden BAM! a voice from my past is calling my name... I turn to see a girl I worked with some years ago behind me, rocking a baby in her arms.. So we do the obligatory "How are you?" "What are you up to these days?" "Who's this little fella?" etc etc... and then she asked that question that I just dread in these situations....

"So is there anyone special in your life or are you still single?"

Wish I knew this off by heart so I could recite it to her!

It is at this point that I have one of those visions that you see on TV shows like Offspring where I  start going completely nutso, take her baby off her and give it to the nearest person while I crash tackle her to the ground!! (slightly overreacting much??)...

But instead I say "No no, still just me" to which she responds "awwww Zita, what are you doing?" in this really weird "you are so pathetic" tone....

How do I respond to this? What am I doing??? What am I doing???? Like I must be doing something wrong??? What does this even mean!! So I just shrugged....and then she launched into the....

"oh don't give up, you'll meet someone"

"it'll happen when you least expect it"
"I'm sure he's just around the corner"

"one day you'll be making plans and then all of a sudden you'll meet someone and the next thing you know you'll have a ring on your finger"

I mean serioulsy how many of these bloody cliches could she have thrown into a 5 minute conversation! Have I mentioned how much I hate these phrases.... Every time someone says to me in that tone "You'll meet someone one day"....I want to reply with "Sorry I didn't realise you were freakin psychic!" 

The way I figure it there are only 2 things that are certain in life....

 

So when people say things like "There's no way you will be single forever you are too amazing" or "There's no way someone like you will be single forever" part of me wants to hug them and thank them for being such an amazing friend and seeing the good in me but then the other part just wants to tell them where to go! 

I think the question that I hate the most is...

"Why are you still single?"

Yep people actually ask that like I know the answer.... I usually respond with "Well if I knew the answer to that I wouldn't be single!" but the real answer is.....

hehehehehehe.....

Another one I just *love* is...

"you must be too fussy!"

Like I've got them lining up at the door every day and I am turning them away because they are wearing a green shirt instead of a blue one!!! My usual response to laugh this one of is "I don't think expecting them to be breathing is being too fussy!" 

 

Let's get real here..... there are people in this world who go through their whole lives without meeting the love of their life, it's a fact! There are people who never marry and live alone all their lives. I'm not going to say that is me because I do like to think that there is still time and I try and be positive as much as possible but I am not going to say it isn't going to be me either because despite what anyone says, no one can guarantee I will meet someone...and you know what.... I will be OK!

The sun will still rise tomorrow....

Having a husband and a family is definitely, absolutely, not gonna lie, something that I want and I am not ashamed to admit that I have cried into my wine glass on more than one occasion because I don't yet have it.....but I know it's not necessarily something I need.... being single for as long as I have been has certainly taught me a lot about myself, the main point being that I am a strong independent woman who can take care of herself and do what needs to be done! (most of the time, and if I can't I can pay someone to do it for me or I am lucky enough to have so many wonderful friends married to wonderful men who can do it for me!)

I love these pics!! LOL....

I am proud of who I am and what I have achieved in my life....would I trade it tomorrow for the love of my life....you betcha! But in the meantime I am focused on being the best me I can be!

Because it's Tuesday of course I am linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT

I am always interested in hearing how people met their signifcant other... so if you have one, how did you meet??